We all know the ‘carrot and stick’ idiom and most of us try to use it as a guiding principle in life, not least with our horses.  Being kind, nurturing and encouraging will always reap more rewards than adversity, negativity and cruelty.  Build people up; don’t tear them down.

Undoubtedly there’s a toxic tone in the world at large just now, with several prominent leaders doing a fantastic job of setting a terrible example, and one must scratch deeply to try and find redeeming and positivity in current affairs.  But beyond politics, conflict and headlines, most people are basically decent and kind and doing their best.  Most of them.

Many moons ago when we as a family decided to devote so much of our time to driving as our main, although by no means only, equestrian activity it was largely because we found the driving world to be welcoming and helpful.  Initially we found there were some formidable figures in charge, people like Prince Philip, Frank & Cynthia Haydon, Joe Moore, John Cowdery, Tommy Coombes and the ‘Scottish Duchesses’ (as we called them) who seemed terrifying at the first few events we went to.  But they were all delightful once we got to know them, and wherever we went, they had thoughtful and constructive words and advice for us as the newbies.

It wasn’t too long before we grew in confidence and found our place in the driving world, borne by observing, learning and understanding what was required. When Mum and Ewan themselves became the mentors, those respected figures who set the standards, organised the events, led the organisations and judged the classes, they were always kind and encouraging.  Through their teaching and films, the sharing of their facilities and farm, they set many people off on their driving journey and enabled many who otherwise couldn’t have driven to have a go.  They are part of a legacy in British driving of exponents who operated beyond their own interests and selflessly worked for the betterment of all involved.  Like those formidable figures we first met, they were resilient, worked hard and had a vision for what driving can do to positively enhance lives.

But the waters have muddied. How and what we do in driving is evolving, but there’s an insidious element that’s crept in whereby being cruel for clickbait is gaining traction.  It wouldn’t have been tolerated in the past, when the respect for those in authority was a guiding factor in keeping the structure of our organisations in place. They simply would have stamped it out.  But then Facebook and mobile phones weren’t around then.

We say time and time again here on The CC that we couldn’t do what we do in driving without our volunteers, and those leaders of our societies and event organisers who do it in their spare time FOR NOTHING.  They do not get paid, their expenses are rarely covered and more often than not, have to use their own funds to prop up what they do for others.  But putting oneself into one of these positions seems to bring with it a newfound vulnerability to being vilified, often without the facts to back it up.  No wonder we lost several of those in leadership positions recently at the British Driving Society when they were being pummelled like punchbags.  Having to have rhino hide shouldn’t be a prerequisite to being on a council or organising team, and you certainly shouldn’t have to put up with being subject to venomous outpourings.

If we are going to get decent and capable people to support and facilitate our driving with their time and wisdom, to lead our organisations and take us into the future, we must do our best to nurture a constructive and safe environment.  We talk and write endlessly about horse welfare, and the tide has turned on awareness and ensuring that the needs of our equines are paramount, with increasing education around how to achieve it.  But what about the people?  What about ensuring that we put as much energy into promoting the wellbeing of our people too?  Safeguarding is a broad and much interpreted term, but protecting and promoting our volunteers and officials is something that needs to be upheld too.

There are plenty of codes of conduct around behaviours of organisation members or at events, and these must extend beyond a show or society.  They need to be more rigorously upheld and in how we talk to and treat each other.  No one should live in fear of what might be said about them, especially on unregulated global digital platforms, simply because they have put their hand up to help, or because they have taken the plunge and decided to start driving or competing.

But it’s not all bad.  In fact, most of the time the driving world is a wonderful one to be involved with, as two recent occasions have illustrated.  An invitation to be the guest on Jill Ryder’s Tea & Tales webinar for the Carriage Association of America was a welcome reminder about the passion and enthusiasm that so many people involved in driving have.  We may have been thousands of miles apart and no more than small squares and names on the screen, but despite the distance, it was an hour of convivial chat, reminiscing about old friends like Tom Ryder and John Mauger, discussing the CAA’s time at Royal Windsor and how the driving classes went.

Then it was the CIAT weekend Ashfields organised by Gill & Paul Mills and Liz Harcombe.  I was judging alongside Eric Macrez from France and Andrew Counsell, who brings so much experience as an international FEI judge and chair of British Carriagedriving.  In between our judging commitments, the three of us spoke at length about driving in the UK, France, and beyond.  We agreed that AIAT, which was founded in France, has been a fantastic organisation and broadened the use of antique carriages while promoting traditions and conviviality as part of the event structure.  But perhaps the time has come for the next phase and a relaxing of some of the tight rules around how the events are run – that topic is for another day.

We also agreed that the organisers and hosts at Ashfields had nurtured a relaxed and friendly atmosphere amidst facilities that lend themselves so well to any driving event.  The competitors were having a great time, and the equines seemed to be enjoying themselves too.  Even the smaller number of entries was a positive because we had plenty of time to judge and nothing was rushed.

One of my abiding memories was seeing Geraldine Pearson’s coloured Cob ‘Davey Crockett’ trotting towards the challenge I was judging, the three point turn, and as he rounded the corner the pony had the most wonderful expression on his face.  Davey is a rescue pony who unless regularly clipped and hogged would be hidden under swathes of mane and feathers.  He is the type that AIAT gives a great job to, with an American style Phaeton built by Mills of Paddington.  The willing Davey has a super affinity with Geraldine and her husband, and together they present such a happy picture.  In fact, they embody all that is wonderful in driving – a retired couple and a rescue pony clearly having a super time.

Another interesting aspect was watching how well (or not) turnouts managed the reversing part of three-point turn.  The key was not to start the rein back too far away from the line which had to be crossed so that both back wheels, or the wheels and axle on a two-wheeled carriage, entered the narrow box but didn’t go so far as knocking a ball off one of the cones along the back edge.  It’s like reversing a trailer – the longer the distance, the greater the chance of jack-knifing, which tended to happen with the four-wheelers. The really sensible people halted on an angle near the line, came back a few steps, asked the horse(s) to move sideways for a step or two, then completed another step back.  Claire Bourne with her buzzy pair of British Spotted ponies won my prize for being the most proficient, and it’s no surprise because Claire drives in different disciplines and commercially, so is used to effective assessing and overcoming potentially tricky situations.

The point being that this was a weekend that was a joyful one, without a cross or negative word (that I heard).  It exemplified what being involved driving should be, and is often like, whatever the discipline or day.  Many months of planning had gone into it, and the organisers and team at Ashfields devoted their weekend to giving everyone a memorable time.  Most of all, it was a collaborative event which fully embodied the spirit of AIAT, which is about promoting traditions while enjoying your horses and having fun.

Generally, we work better when we work together.  It’s the guiding principle behind our collaborative carriage driving awards celebration in November which is in it’s third year.  Part of that ‘being together’ is bringing an inclusive, encouraging and kind approach to driving and celebrating what we do so well.  From giving rescue ponies like Davey Crockett, Theo Charnley’s George or Liz Harcombe’s versatile Ted and Yogi another, better life, to all that can be done for people of all ages and backgrounds in driving, to our world class Para Drivers and RDA Driving for the Disabled groups – there is so much to celebrate.

Yes, we can hold different opinions or disagree with each other or suggest that things should change, but let’s do it constructively.  Nobody wants a homogenous world – being different is glorious – but we must not harm or intimidate those around us.  We all have a duty to safeguard those involved in our driving world, be they a volunteer, official, competitor, sponsor or onlooker, as well as the horses.  Let’s not fan the flames of the scoffers and instead use our energy to promote the positives.  We are a relatively small community in driving, and we fare better when propping each other up.

One of the reasons that the time seemed right to put pen to paper on this is that I was deeply moved by the eulogy at my uncle’s funeral recently.  Tony became my uncle after my aunt’s second marriage, so I got to know him as an adult and they lived nearby.  As often happens at funerals, I learned more about his life after his death. The person summarised in church by his best friend was an extraordinary man who had lived one of the fullest and best lives I’ve ever heard about.  Much of what he did evidently couldn’t be shared because it’s still locked away under the Officials Secrets Act, but one of the achievements that could be celebrated was his pivotal role as a Royal Air Force Squadron Leader in the Commonwealth Monitoring Force that brought independence to Zimbabwe – or Rhodesia as it was then.  Quite simply, his actions saved countless lives.  That was only one of many remarkable episodes in a remarkable life.  Yet the Uncle Tony I knew and loved was thoughtful, quiet, and happiest when writing letters to The Times, reading a book or playing golf.  He never boasted about his former life or pulled others down. Tony’s funeral was a humbling and stark reminder of how we can all do better and find fulfilment by being kind, seeing the bigger picture and helping others.

So this November at the Carriage Driving Awards dinner, inspired by Uncle Tony’s example, The Carriage Commentator award will be given to an individual, team or organisation that has shown KINDNESS in driving.  Nominations will now be accepted!